If I could get all the money I have spent on books about parenting in the last five and a half years back I have worked out, roughly, that I could take the boys to Lego land with an overnight stay and a gift from the gift shop and food out. The amount of time in addition to reading these spent on the internet checking and double checking that I have made the right decision could give me weeks more time back where I could have sorted out my damn kitchen and bedroom cupboards to perfection.
I kind of had this smugness about being a mother when I finally got to the ‘safe’ bit of pregnancy I honestly thought that I was going to be a natural. I wanted to breast feed for at least six month, use cloth nappies ban all plastic toys and baby wear for as long as I could. What actually happened was entirely the opposite, I had an emergency section, I couldn’t breastfeed (which is a whole other story and I was mortified that my milk never came in) I sold the cloth nappies after about 4 weeks still in their wrappers, and when my baby was a mere four months old I invested in a jumperoo, this incredible contraction to amuse my baby because I didn’t have a clue how to do this myself.
The book buying had already began, contented baby, baby whisperer to name but a few, I paid for a woman who I had never met who didn’t know my baby £50 to look at my routine as I didn’t trust that I was doing the right thing. Every step, every milestone I got through by researching, buying literature, joining every forum I could find and asking my friends (who think I am absolutely la la most of the time I am sure) and I still do over five years on.
I met with my two closest and oldest friends a few nights ago, they have little babies so I offered to drive so that they could have a glass of wine and it was the loveliest and funniest evening. Friend no1, turned up feeling triumphant that she had managed bus, train, ferry with her five year old and 12 week baby. Her way to build confidence is to do the most difficult thing that she can to prove that she can, anything less will be a breeze. Friend no2 turned up with pad and pen wanting to make an itinerary to help her through the summer hols with a 3 year old and a 9 month old. Me, I have a daily plan for every day of the holidays in a spreadsheet that covers all areas of learning that I can think of, this has taken months and heaps of research as it just doesn’t come naturally, it has to be that way so that I know I am doing the best I can for my boys.
The last month has seen the start of Mummy TuTu and I have done this not because I want to shout to the world how frickin’ awesome I am at this but to actually say I do not trust one ounce of my parenting skills, in fact I think I am pretty rubbish, I shout way too much, my cooking is diabolical, and I have to Google everything from poo consistency to behaviour as I don’t seem to be able to get the right answer with my own judgement.
So my posts aren’t pretentious look at me posts, what I hope they are is support and advice to other mummies that might be thinking the same x
p.s. This month I have three new books about peaceful parenting, sibling rivalry and how to be a happy family ………