Mothers Day is a difficult day for many. Whether you have lost your mum, lost a child or struggling to become a Mummy along many other situations – like other key dates through out the year this day can be damn tricky.
For me it is an emotional rollercoaster of a day. I can’t help but bring out the box of memories from our angel babies and wish I could just hold them once, give them a cuddle just once. But then after the heartache our boys came bounding into our lives and I was able to hold, cuddle and love them with every ounce of me.
This year we are on the fastest rollercoaster of emotions because all of the above is still true but this year is so so different and I don’t know whether to cry tears of joy because of what I am so grateful for or to scream and shout and lash out about what has been taken away from us in the last six months. How much our lives have changed and how the guilt of knowing I am the cause of this change in our lives is becoming increasingly difficult to bear.
I am not sure how to turn this all into something that will make us stronger, but I will find a way.
In the meantime on Sunday, I will celebrate with my boys, enjoy the zoo, spoil them rotten, have ice creams and hug them as many times as I can and then when they are tucked up in bed open a bottle of wine, most probably drain it … and reflect on the tricky stuff.